since it's grey and clammy outside, i could see inside the second- and third-story windows of the office buildings when i walked back from lunch. very prominently placed certificates and degrees were the most common things that i saw. in fact, they were really the only things that i saw.
i'd never been one to frame and place on my office wall my degrees, admittances and professional certifications. i am proud of those accomplishments, but i can't say that i'd learned really anything about life from my formal education, including kindergarten. most of what i'd learned, i mean really learned. has been picked up as i go along.
take my work experiences these past two months, for instance. i have learned to give the appearance of being subdued and recalcitrant, while being strong and holding my ground. i have learned that people who are genuinely scared lash out in the most hurtful ways, and i am still in the process of learning to sidestep the lashing. i want to say that i am learning to feel sorry for those people as a defense mechanism, but i'm not entirely sure that i will ever get there.
there's also the matter of the little boy who graces my days with laughter. he is my favorite teacher, even when things are not too terribly rosy. my husband and i waited with him for three hours in the ER, due to a deep gash in his forehead, incurred courtesy of one of my least favorite pieces of furniture in our house (i never liked that old rocking chair. it was given to us by our in-laws). i heard his cries from around the corner as they stitched up the gash, i couldn't stand it so i walked away as far as a hovering, worried mom possibly could.
that boy teaches me patience, and he teaches me to be flexible in my worldview. he teaches me to really love with all of my heart and soul. he cuddles with us- when he first wakes up in the morning and isn't quite ready to get up, he will roll his little body to fit into the half-moon that we create when we lie on our sides on his bed. even with his bandaged-up forehead, he simply is the most adorable child to me.
there's also my friends. who teach me that no matter how difficult things can be in my career or elsewhere, i am still this girl whom people will call, and to whom people will regale with stories and tidbits.
so i don't have my pedigrees on my wall. i have oversize promotional posters from a foreign film. i have a black-and-white photograph of my son. actually four if you include the ones on my shelves. i have prints of lighthouse sketches. a piece of floor (don't ask). a Maneki Neko and a cheap faux jade buddha on my desk, both of which gaze benevolently at me as i tap away at this keyboard. i'd like to think that these things speak more to the person i've become than any proclamation embossed with an illegible seal.
Posted by equilibrium-girl at May 3, 2004 03:21 PM