My answer greschya's first question: Never.
I have never really stopped worrying since I learned I was pregnant. That's going on about five years of worry. I worried when Q didn't kick in utero. I worried when his urine turned light pink on his 3rd day, due to urate crystals in his diaper. I worried when we brought him to hospital one cold fall day when he was 11 weeks old because his temperature was so high. I worried when I brought him to the hospital again after he knocked his noggin and needed stitches. And now, I am worrying about a plane trip that he is taking with his dad. But the thing is: you get used to it. Your instincts make you reach above and beyond all of the things that would have been your limit pre-baby. You learn to depend on others for advice, reassurance, and perspective. You learn to take that worry and turn it into protectiveness and parental competence.
Because mothering is ultimately about loss: your mind's eye grasps for images and vestiges of rememberance at every stage, because it could be gone the next day as your child grows and changes. They fine wisps of hair become strong and textured right under your fingertips. The fine tones of baby cries morph into recognizable speech patterns, and all of a sudden, you don't have a baby anymore. And then, that toddler becomes a child whose days are filled with monster trucks and "bad guys" and a complex reasoning system. And it all changes so quickly that you never stop to mourn the loss of that part of your experience as a mother. But that sense of worry keeps you pressing forward, wanting to teach your child and learn from them at the same time. It's what allows you to do both.
Posted by equilibrium-girl at April 11, 2005 10:17 PMHoly crap! When I first read that I thought you meant that you were pregnant again!
Posted by: brooke at April 13, 2005 07:41 PM