I should have been better about posting in S3@Jay's parenting thread, but I just couldn't debate or exposit the philosophical bases of parenting approaches with someone who isn't currently experiencing the everyday mini-heartbreak of disciplining a spirited and stubborn preschooler. I will admit my own selfishness in lurking the thread, posting a single response, and not responding any further. However, the ironic reality is that I was busy trying to parent. And failing miserably at it on some days, and doing decently on others.
Lately, The Governor has started to really exhibit the wily and spirited nature that is expected of the offspring of two very passionate people. To top matters off, he is also quite stubborn. And things have started to get a little, well, difficult. Yesterday morning was very, very hard--we almost didn't go to a co-worker's picnic because he would not accept anything but sweets for a pre-picnic snack when we were choosing a light meal before the picnic at the grocery store. So we returned home.
At that point, I threw my hands up because I was so overwhelmed that I knew I couldn't parent effectively, not then, not five minutes after. I had been through a very difficult week at work, Conan and I were having a disagreement, and everything just seemed to be too much. However, the upside is that Conan stepped in and gave The Governor some time to calm down and think about how he acted, and calmly and firmly told him that he was not to act that way if he expected to go to the picnic. We ate a healthy lunch, and proceeded to have a great afternoon. I told Conan later that it may have been the first time that I just surrendered and let Conan do his job as a parent--and he did the job really well.
I'm not a perfect parent. I'm not going to pretend that I know everything. It's really hard. It's exhausting. I'm often confused. I often doubt myself. I don't think I'm doing that great of a job a lot of time. But I have to believe that I can do this. Every day, it takes so much strength and love and patience to just start parenting. But I have to believe I can do this.
And so every night before bed, I look at The Governor's picture. I look at his wonderful face, hear his happy laugh in my head, remember all of the great things he's been doing and all of the ways that he shows us that he's a good kid (throwing away the trash, realizing that he has accidentally hurt someone and saying sorry, following directions), and then I think about why I'm doing this. It's tough, but I'm doing it.
Posted by equilibrium-girl at May 8, 2005 09:32 PM