Conan notices at lunch today that I am distracted, much like yesterday. This weekend is one for re-focusing. A part of me has come to terms with being one of those typical professional women whose self-esteem is rooted very much in her job performance. It's become less so since The Governor waltzed his funny little round-and-round, frenzied polka into my life. However since my job is mine and mine alone, I've put so much stock in it.
Work is extremely busy. In addition to my regular tasks, I was asked to assist in a big project that was, from the beginning, a Very Big Deal. Lately, there has been an onslaught of tasks in that Very Big Deal. So many details, so many questions. And my "regular" work continues to pile on. Wednesday, I caught errors that I didn't catch before from the team that has continuously asked for very short deadlines. Thursday, I got some criticism that was really meant to be constructive. Friday, I spent most of the day humbled and quietly ashamed by my very own desire to be Miss Perfect. And yesterday and today I have been wondering how to reduce my error margins.
There are practical answers to the questions imposed during my self-inquisition to be sure. Even I know what they are: use my Task list more, give myself five more minutes to double check my reviews, and read through my emails one last time before transmittal. However, there is that nagging sense of being "terribly imperfect" that stems from the combination of the sacrifices my parents made for my education, and being put through the wringer during the time I spent working for Gordon Gekko. It makes this professional adolescence a little more painful for me.
We are all so busy at work, all so tired, and so things fall through the cracks when we are asked to do things on short notice. Yet strangely, this explanation I give to my clients just doesn't satisfy my disappointment with myself. Really, the only thing is to learn, press on, and try not to take it personally. Yet for me, the latter really can't be helped.
Posted by equilibrium-girl at May 15, 2005 02:27 PM