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Afflictions of the Single Woman's Brain

My sister (who I'll call "Dish")suffers from a type of condition called Boyfriend Amnesia, in which her brain selectively filters out 99.97% of the ways in which her current boyfriend has been either a.) to ignorant to notice, or b.) proactively been a jerk. The curious thing, however, is that Boyfriend Amnesia disappears completely at the time of one's wedding, and is replaced by Husband Hyperfocus, where a woman picks up on every committed infraction and assesses it a higher importance than necessary.

Like most serial monogamists, Dish remains absolutely committed to making this work out because I think she is a true believer in the whole of "meant to be" paradigm. Under this worldview, you have an absolute duty to sally forth in the dating world, discerning which potential beau was "meant to be" your mate for life-or at least for a very, very long time. If things don't work out with a potential fellow, you cry for exactly 4.62 days while your best friends describe in exact details all of the reasons he wasn't right for you. They finish up their helpful, soothing diatribes, draw up their collective breath, and utter the phrase of finality: "It'll work out for you, because this one, sweetheart--it just wasn't meant to be." Then they'll add "You're worth more" or "You can do better" for good measure.

But in the meantime, until either one or both of you mutters "I'm sorry..it just isn't working out," you have an obligation to, as Tim Gunn from Project Runway says, "Make it work." So you tell yourself that his forgetting to call every now and then is "just him being busy" or you say "he's only been acting this way lately," and you forget all of those times that you called your sister or friend that year and cried about his brushing you off with no explanation. In this fashion, Boyfriend Amnesia takes over your brain, like some sort of water-oil mixture that lets all the gunk settle to the bottom settling in comfortably until the point of break-up when all gets agitated and mixed up and gives you the right thing, sort of like the tang in the vinagrette dressing.

In the past, the only person that's been able to shake Dish out of this state is Conan. He did it in the parking lot of Kr0ger's while we were doing pre-Thanksgiving errands three days ago. I forget exactly what he said, but she broke up with the poor bloke who was her boyfriend at the time at the end of that week. It was long overdue. I'm ineffective at it, for some reason. I've tried all of the usual lines. I've even suggested that she should "rethink" things. But I've never said "I think you should break up with him," because that translates to me hating the guy. In that case, it's not so much the truth as much as the appearance that carries the day.

The particular boy in question came over to visit her when I was talking to Dish yesterday, so we couldn't continue the conversation at hand, the one that was a typical exhibit of Boyfriend Amnesia. Yes, I know she has to see it for herself, but I think because this current version is remarkably better than the previous one gives her a certain amount of myopia when she looks at him. He's not that bad of a guy...he's just not that great either. But hey, it's really not my life or choices, now is it?

Posted by equilibrium-girl at May 31, 2005 02:58 PM