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Inner Quandries

I hate to be the bearer of anything quasi-depressing, but being the working mommy of a preschooler is sometimes as heartbreaking as being the working mommy of a baby. Sometimes, it is more so, as your preschooler has learned the art of the heartwrenching statement. I love it and hate it when The Governor says, "I miss you when you go to work," or even "I don't have any friends at summer camp (which apparently isn't true)." I don't know if this is some sort of long-standing concern or just the passing throes of miniature adolescence, and it gets to me.

He's been painfully shy to separate himself from me when I drop him off a preschool during the regular school year. Since he started summer camp, it's a little bit better since he is really enjoying it and gets to ride the bus, but there is always something and I'm still not sure if I'm "doing this right," whatever that means. I have less confidence in my parenting skills than when he was under one. I've never parented any child who is so full of energy and who talks non-stop. I have tried the gentle way of getting him to relax or use his "inside voice," but he is quite the chatterbox and question-asker. Conan and I try and have perspective-gathering sessions after he is in bed and asleep to remind ourselves that he really is a good kid (he is), bright and funny and curious. He is shy and sensitive, but cuddly and fun. He is loyal and stubborn, and a very, very generous friend. When you are in the midst of chaos, however, it's sometimes hard to remember those things. I'm still working on ridding myself of that idyllic image of a staid, quiet child who likes to sit still in the hammock while we swing in the breeze, reading page after page. Not everyone lives in the pastel-hued world of Beatrix Potter. He did, however, watch a bit of Finding Neverland with us.

The thunder outside of my window makes me sad, because The Governor and I had agreed to going "running" as our "special time" this afternoon. If it rains, we will need to reschedule for a different day. I hope I'm doing this parenting thing correctly-always some doubts along the way.