I haven't been taking criticism very well at my job. My current boss does what he can to be constructive and helpful, but I still feel a twinge of embarassment for myself whenever my mistakes are pointed out to me. I don't have the best time swallowing my lumps. I do learn my lessons and listen to the things that people are saying-but it is only after I push my initial feelings of inadequacy out of the way.
After spending almost two years with a boss who watered the initial seeds of inadequacy, it's hard to pull out those overgrown weeds ever since I've switched to a new set of bosses and co-workers who really just want the best for me. It's a little pathetic, but now that a huge project has finished, I can turn my attention to actually feeling competent-for a change.
I'm guilty to the simple sin of doubting my own ability. My recommendations always end in a question mark-"is this okay with you?" I can sense my own reticience when providing advice. I got into this self-demeaning habit when working for Gecko. There was always someone-whether it was actual him or another associate-who questioned my work. Sometimes it was subtle. Sometimes it was outrageous. But always it hammered away at my own feelings of competence.
I think my current boss is trying to help me at least re-establish that competence, at least to our clients. I think he's hoping that the real deal will follow soon. I do too-and I've decided to just start acting like the attorney that M. and others have always told me I was, and stop the bullshit legacy and Gecko, C., and others have left planted in my brain. I led investigations when I was just 2 years out of law school-why shouldn't I leave my feelings of inadequacy behind?
Posted by equilibrium-girl at August 6, 2005 11:43 AMHellow, sweet woman! I just looked all over for your phone number or email address and couldn't find either, but I wanted to write and tell you that I've been really missing you at RMC, and just about cried when I saw your name on the "to be deleted for inactivity" list. I hope things are ok, and I'm very selfishly hoping that you'll contact the admins and say "no no no don't delete me, I'm here but just don't have time/energy to post much right now!" or something to that effect. I'd hate to lose that contact with you.
If you do plan on leaving, I'd love to at last have your email address and phone number again so that I can call if I'm going to be in town. At least now I know about this blog (hadn't seen it before) and can read it to keep up with how things are going with you.
Take care, big hugs to you & "the Governor".
Leslie
Posted by: Leslie at August 9, 2005 03:31 PM