I'm in this weird in-between land at work, and it's making me a bit lonely. I think people are a little reticient to approach me about some things, and when that happens, I start to ponder through all of the reasons why. I never realized just how much baggage I carry around with me until one of my mentors pointed out to me that I sound overwhelmed and under the gun a lot. I think perhaps I put myself there. I semi-obsessed about a comma that wasn't supposed to be in an email I sent last night, but that was left over from a sentence fragment long-deleted in my quest for legal precision. Ah, the irony. Hits you like a wet washcloth, making you feel droopy and unfresh.
Work is quite busy-if I wanted to, I could just put my blinders on and concentrate on just getting things taken care of and keeping my head above water. And I could do "just fine." But I don't want to do "just fine." I want to be a rock star, like the Remote Boss. I want to be known for clarity, creativity, and dependability. They don't call my position "counsel" for nothing. I'm supposed to counsel people, to provide assistance and knowledge and help them iron out their problems. But I can't counsel when I feel doubtful about my analysis. And I find myself doubting myself too often than should be necessary. I have to proactively start working my way out of this bog, because it's sucking me into ineffectiveness.
Posted by equilibrium-girl at September 19, 2005 07:27 PM