A couple of nights ago, my dream pool floated to the surface the subject matter of this entry, and it involved details of his life that were beyond our sphere of interaction. The details in that dream were completely arbitrary, but I woke up not only feeling rested and whole, but as I stepped into the shower and the filmy coat of sleep washed off of me and down the drain, it dawned on me that the dream was about perspective: I've learned from past experiences that while crushes are very nice, they need to be viewed against the backdrop of real life. Even if an attraction is mutual (I'm not saying it is, I do not really think about it that much, and aside from just plain musing I'm unsure as to how much it matters), it does not necessarily give you a license to act.
I saw him today twice-the most I've seen him in the last couple of weeks-the first time was one of those interactions after which you shut the door and blush and promise yourself that you will not act like a complete dork.
The second time, however, allowed me to see him as a person and not an object. We discussed some aspects of our respective lives. I started to mentally list out all of his innately human tendencies. And then...we were friends. All of a sudden we had just reached this point where the conversation became easier. I laughed with ease, and not this forced, nervous cackle that plagues me when I'm nervous. I joked. And finally, I smiled. It was the type of smile that reaches as far as your ears and uses the muscles in the back of your head: a true, genuine smile that I could actually feel in my bones. Like the type of smile that crosses my face when I read breana's posts.
This is good.
Posted by equilibrium-girl at October 12, 2005 11:02 PMHey! Thanks for the shout-out, girl! I'm glad I could make you smile.
Posted by: breana at October 19, 2005 02:13 PM