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The One in Which She's a Total Spazz

I've been doing a lot of window-shopping lately. Men are more interesting when both they and you are older. You find certain things-personality, ambition, kindness-infinitely more attractive than physical appearance, and it can hit you pretty hard. I shouldn't be questioning people's motives in extending specific kindness, but I can't help it. I just wonder if I'm getting into that "mutual attraction" thing again. It was thrilling and wonderful and complicated and difficult at the same time, and I'm not sure that I have the energy for that again. I'm not assuming that it does happen to be mutual-it could be nothing of the sort. But establishing it in my mind as one-sided doesn't do much in terms of internal resolution.

However, this time the answers are fairly cut and dried. There are circumstances and consequences and factors that heavily weight towards the singular course of action of doing and saying nothing. It is not a bad thing to have these feelings, I tell myself. They are perfectly fine, and frankly, it's sort of fun.