equilibrium-girl.com: The One She Uses To Think Through the "Second Child" Prospect

December 30, 2005

The One She Uses To Think Through the "Second Child" Prospect

Eleven o'clock on Christmas night, while we are lying in bed, Conan asks me: "Do you want to have another?" Child, he means. This is the first time that he has raised this particular issue-usually it's me, thinking out loud with him in the same room. His standard response to my non-inquiry has been "I don't know. I'm still getting over the first time." The Governor's birth and all of its difficulties has made us very cautious about things, and we have been continually brain-fried from the constant gerbil wheel of work, parenting, and everyday life that "restarting the clock" has never received due consideration.

Conan may want a daughter. Like the rest of us, he is enamoured with my 2-year old niece. She is adorable and mostly even-keeled and I imagine the two of them will have fun in the upcoming years as he attempts to shape her into the next-but better-Danica Patrick. I may like a daughter too at some point, but we both know that you cannot guarantee the gender of any baby. We wouldn't have a baby living where we currently do, due to the cost of daycare and life in general being what it is.

But to have another right now and continuing to devote a lot of time and emotional energy to The Governor, my job, and keeping this house together would probably require a nanny. I can't see a nanny fitting into my life, and frankly for a very selfish reason: I am territorial about my physical space. Right now, it's a small physical space crowded with the remnants of Christmas combined with the four year old storm who litters Legos and toy cars in his wake. But it is my space-I share it with three boys right now, but I am not sure I am willing to share it with another person whose primary role is to care for my kids. Trust me, it's nothing against hired child care-it's about coexistence.

I have a difficult time sharing space with a 40 lb. dog.

But yet, it's not so simple either. Since The Governor was a surprise, we've been developing our lives and careers around his presence in our lives, and as he gets older we find that we have a little more freedom and have turned our attention to some of the things that make us feel-well, human. I've felt more comfortable in my skin since I've been exercising a little more and have most of my pre-pregnancy shape back (nota bene--I said "most."). I've been enjoying my work-related responsibilities. Conan and I have been working at communicating a little better. There is a little more calm in our lives that I've been savoring, which I think I desperately need in order to preserve my sanity.

So no more kids for now-in a couple of years, I'm still not so sure.

Posted by equilibrium-girl at December 30, 2005 08:18 PM

Comments

I could have written that myself. I can't see myself sharing my space well with a nanny either, and I share the concerns you have about a second.

But I do love having my one kid. So I really think about this...

Posted by: transmogriflaw at December 30, 2005 10:44 PM

The Boy and I have had this discussion. Even though we're just dating now, not married. He is an only child and would be happy with just one. I am very close to my sister and would love to have at least two kids. I know they're expensive and all, but I don't think I want just one kid.

Then again, I've never been pregnant and gone through childbirth. I may change my mind once I've been through those things!

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