When Conan's away for the weekend, the house grows in size from being "too small" to being "just right"--just right for a mother and an active son who is a stone's kick on the shy side of five. There are couches to sit on for watching TV, no wayward socks on office floors, and no cut-up sweatpants functioning as pajama bottoms (his not mine) on bathroom floors.
At night, however, the house becomes too big, with corners filled to the brim with shadows and noises that induce skittishness in trying-to-sleep mothers. While I went to bed at 11 last night, I was up at least 4 or 5 times making sure that the doors were locked, the lights were out, and no random entryways existed to invite strangers into our home. Our dog, who sleeps at the foot of our bed, looked at me quizzically each time, the unanswered question of "when are you going to get in bed and stay there?" appearing in his brown eyes.
The answer ended up being 3 a.m., after a cup of hot milk finally let my psyche release enough of the anxiety of being alone to allow me to surrender to sleep.
Posted by equilibrium-girl at May 7, 2006 01:08 PM