equilibrium-girl.com: Floating on the Groggy Surface

September 04, 2006

Floating on the Groggy Surface

"I thought we were done with this whole insomnia bit," I asked myself silently as I looked at my reflection this morning when I shoved my hair into an unruly bun. "I thought you gave that up in law school." There have been a handful of times in the past seven years where I couldn't get to sleep one night, but sheer exhaustion submerged me under the next night. Those infrequent episodes are pretty scarce these days. Seven years ago, however, was a different story. I'd gone to the hospital right before finals in my third year of law school because I could not drive due to a stress headache on top of a migraine. After that time, I was always very careful to watch my stress level, exercise frequently, and try and achieve some sense of balance. I've even built up a healthy defense mechanism that generally shuts down my stress level when it reaches a certain point.

Over the past few days, however, things have gone slightly awry. It's the combination of next week becoming extremely stressful, the in-laws coming into town on Thursday for five days, and just trying to keep a lid on the sheer amount of clutter in my house. Everyone tells me that my in-laws are just going to have to accept that our house is not immaculate since we have been her for less than a month and a half. But you see, my mother in law has unreasonable expectations in general, and while she'll put on an accepting face, she will privately make a snide remark here and there followed up with a passive aggressive action. Sounds like the mother-in-law M.O., n'est pas? What I am scared of is that the lack of a dining room table in my house will result in her sending either money or some sort of--I don't know, something random. She's the queen of random unnecessary objects and while I've tried my best to talk to her about it, she simply won't listen.

With the exception of my husband, my mother-in-law has never had to let her children live their own lives. Surprisingly, Conan is the youngest of three. I have very serious issues with the choices that she has made and I don't respect her for them. I have learned to accept that she and I will never be close, and I am currently in the process of accepting that for certain things she is too goddamn stubborn to even consider another's opinion. When she comes to my house--my territory--it changes my emotional landscape temporarily because in the flow of my daily life, I need to temporarily navigate around a huge impasse. I medicate myself with wine and withdrawl during those days when she is around.

So her looming arrival in conjunction with my impossibly difficult work week has been keeping me up. Wish me sleep vibes tonight-I'll need them.

Posted by equilibrium-girl at September 4, 2006 01:31 PM

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