equilibrium-girl.com

Pocket Full of Kryptonite

Happy Halloween!

L.A. Face With the Oakland Booty

Hey strizz, thanks for this.

I Know what Boys Like

The boys are playing with their toys:

The big boy is in the garage, working on his 1984 944 Porsche.

The little boy is in the backyard, running his Tonka Trucks in and out of the dirt and grass.

The furry boy is chewing on a nice, fat rawhide bone.

I guess this is the secret to peace and not-quite-quiet on a Sunday morning.

Close Your Eyes and...

Yesterday, I brought home to have framed a promotional poster given to me by one of my very dear clients. I knew what it generally looked like (seeing as I approved it) I hadn't really studied it too closely until now. Depicted on it is four vacationers jumping gleefully off of a steep rock into what should be sufficiently deep water (I hope).

It's the perfect poster for my office, since it depicts my approach to career development. I'm forever jumping into things, with mostly my intuition to guide me. I applied to jobs because I "liked" the description and the company. I made the switch to a different group because, after thinking about things, it simply "felt" like the best choice. I always depending on this quirky thing called faith when I try and pre-determine whether or not I'll land safely. You can have me draw out as many charts and pros-and-cons lists, but I'll only decide when I reach this innate comfort level. And then, whole-heartedly and with little to lose...I'll jump.

Feelin' So Gifted/Suga How'd You Get So Fly

I used to want closure and resolution as much as possible.

And then, I found out that the more I pursued those things...the less they seemed likely.

So I put to rest that particular quest for the most part, and began enjoying the uncertainty and the ambiguities that seem to make life fun and extremely enjoyable. I've become happier with myself and my life when I'm just plain trying not to worry to much about uncovering the "whys" and "hows."

These past couple of days, I've been going round in my head on coming to an internal "resolution" with certain feelings-and came to the conclusion that it is preferrable to leave certain questions unanswered. It's also just perfectly fine not to air those feelings and let the current situation continue. So here is me, just...continuing.

Nothin’ I do is new to you

I think my dog tried to chew on my cell phone, but gave up. I can't see how it would be particularly tasty. Besides, it's a weird, thin-brick shape that doesn't easily nestle itself between canine chops. I imagine it tastes like hard, molded plastic and not beef or chicken or pig ears. But hey, it plays "Dr0p It Like It's Hot" whenever someone tries to call me-so maybe he's drawn to the Snoop Double D-O-G as a kindred spirit.

Cute & Drives a Nice Car

Whoa!! Someone got Dan Wheldon a stylist. Could go a little easier on the hair styling products, but this is a definite improvement over before.

Ah, but look at Helio. Aside from being a 2-time Indy 500 winner, doesn't he make your heart go pitter pat?

Years go by, I'm looking through a girlie magazine

Conan came into our room last night. I had the covers up to my neck, and was browsing my latest stash of housewear pr0nn.

He lifts up the covers, sees me in my undies, and states so matter-of-factly, "ah, mast3rb@-ting to the latest Crate & Barrel catalog, I see."

This man, he knows me well.

(note that I changed certain words to try and keep the pr0n spambots away, seeing as I got pummeled with comment spam within 5 hours of posting this. It probably won't work.)

Updates from the field

First things first: Dreamhost customer service rocks.

Second things second: apparently, my olfactory sense heightens when I'm ovulating. All of a sudden, the dog smell in my house has started to annoy me. I turned to The Gov today and asked "why do you smell like dog?" It turns out he's been hugging on Hobie lately. That dog sure gets puts up with a lot, bless his l'il heart.

Then again, the dog does love to rub his furry little booty all over our furniture. Man, I've never vacuumed so much in my life.

I'm a "single mom" this weekend-Conan has been up at the track helping out with this amateur circuit that he's planning on joining. Oddly enough, things are pretty relaxed when it's me a The Gov-Conan and I have both find that when one of us is away, there is one less person in an 1800 ft. sq. house whose habits, emotions, and mess we have to deal with. Race weekends are kind of tough-Conan comes home and is totally wiped out and and is...well, he's kind of like a teenager: sullen, crabby, a little selfish with remote. But I love him. More importantly, he cuts the grass.

\\

Three Thangs

Since everyone else is doing it...why the f&$k not?

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Putotikoy (family pet name)
2. Mommy
3. SB

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My half-moon shaped eyes
2. My hair (someone described it as "fetish hair")
3. My 5-inch multi-colored dragon tattoo on the small of my back

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My post-partum "apron"-still there after 4 years
2. My stress-induced undereye dark circles
3. Saddlebags

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Visayan
2. Spanish-although this is actually a secret
3. ???

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Creepy horror flicks
2. Someone realizing that I'm just a 12 year old living a 32 year old's life
3. Losing Conan

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Fountain pens
2. Kisses from The Governor and Conan
3. Coffee (word, breana)

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Yoga pants from Tar-jay
2. Ye Olde Navy baseball shirt
3. A grin

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. The Rain King-Counting Crows
2. It Takes Two-Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock
3. Bonita Applebum-Tribe Called Quest

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. To laugh every day
2. Hugs when I'm asleep
3. To feel like I'm twelve years old every day

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. I was a cheerleader in college and cheered at two Final Four games
2. I've taken a vitamin every day this week
3. I have deposed high-level executives in Fortune 100 companies

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. A hot, to-die-for grin
2. Pretty eyes that you get lost in
3. Cute little butt (that you just want to give a nice pat...)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Sleep
2. Kiss my sleeping child
3. Make a beautiful necklace (currently lacking inspiration)

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. Rock Climber
2. Martial arts stuntwoman
3. Communications/PR lackey

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Indonesia
2. South of France
3. Japan

THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Connor
2. Sam (for a girl)
3. Quincy

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Get to a VP position
2. Give my son a good, balanced upbringing
3. Let my husband know how much I love him and how much he means to me

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I love purses and shoes
2. I giggle and flirt uncontrollably
3. I have crushes all the damn time

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Jensen Ackles (Dean Winchester in Supernatural)
2. Anderson Cooper
3. Sebastian Loeb (World Rally Championship winner)

Ok get ya kids/but then they got their friends

A couple of nights ago, my dream pool floated to the surface the subject matter of this entry, and it involved details of his life that were beyond our sphere of interaction. The details in that dream were completely arbitrary, but I woke up not only feeling rested and whole, but as I stepped into the shower and the filmy coat of sleep washed off of me and down the drain, it dawned on me that the dream was about perspective: I've learned from past experiences that while crushes are very nice, they need to be viewed against the backdrop of real life. Even if an attraction is mutual (I'm not saying it is, I do not really think about it that much, and aside from just plain musing I'm unsure as to how much it matters), it does not necessarily give you a license to act.

I saw him today twice-the most I've seen him in the last couple of weeks-the first time was one of those interactions after which you shut the door and blush and promise yourself that you will not act like a complete dork.

The second time, however, allowed me to see him as a person and not an object. We discussed some aspects of our respective lives. I started to mentally list out all of his innately human tendencies. And then...we were friends. All of a sudden we had just reached this point where the conversation became easier. I laughed with ease, and not this forced, nervous cackle that plagues me when I'm nervous. I joked. And finally, I smiled. It was the type of smile that reaches as far as your ears and uses the muscles in the back of your head: a true, genuine smile that I could actually feel in my bones. Like the type of smile that crosses my face when I read breana's posts.

This is good.

Tantrumy and Crabby

I fended off preschooler tantrums while shopping today, long enough to purchase the short -sleeved ribbon sweater in ballet pink from BR. I didn't try it on, and it's probably a good thing, since that whole self-esteem thing would have told me that it made me look "fat." I did try it on when I got home, and while the wooliness of it did add a little extra layer, I can't say I looked half-bad. Overall, I'm liking it.

But The Gov has been so tantrumy and crabby lately, his brow furrowed permanently, and a scowl that's so serious that you can't help but laugh.

I think he may actually be tired of us. I would be if I were him. I would be tired of anyone trying to guide/enforce reasonable discipline on me-all these darn rules that you can't quite yet fathom. What's this? He's so tired he's apparently already asleep, poor thing(this is me blowing him a mental kiss on his forehead).

Tomorrow's another game of afternoon catch-up as the work piles on in the morning.

A ha! Some Inspiration...

I think I'm going to buy a bunch of mini-pumpkins tomorrow with Q, and decorate them with Mod Podge and tissue paper. I'm inspired by the Pumpkin Paper-decorating kit at Paper Source. I'm thinking polka dots and awning stripes.

Weekend Post

The flood warning lifted at 4 p.m. yesterday, just in time to take my cabin-fever crazy dog out for a walk. Luckily today-while chilly-was dry and both he and The Governor got to play outside and enjoy some fresh air. I'm craving a caramel hot apple cider right now. Actually, a cold one would suit me as well.

The Governor has left with me instructions to watch Finding Nemo "in the afternoon by [myself]." Apparently, it's a litte to scary in some parts for him. But he promised me that he would "be brave" when he watches it with his cousin when we go up to visit my brother and his family. The boy just doesn't like movies-a lot of them are still a little to scary for him-he doesn't watch a lot of TV, so a lot of the fast action still kind of scares him. I prefer it this way than him being somewhat desensitized-but a part of me would love to just cuddle up and watch a family movie without him jumping up halfway through and scurrying behind the couch.

It's Not What She "Is"

I shouldn't feel too guilty about playing half-hooky tomorrow. I'd spent a good four hours this afternoon at the office cleaning off my "review" plate and emptying out my inbox, and there isn't a lot left, save long-term projects that I could pick up on Tuesday afternoon. But still, I subject myself to the completely irrational belief that my employer will fire me if I lag behind slightly to attend to my personal and family needs over the next couple of days.

I've become the girl whose job has engulfed her.

Make no mistake about it-I enjoy my job and I'm not half bad. But the sheer amount of work-related entries on this blog scares me. It is horribly out of balance to me. Perhaps my work is so important to me because I've been trying so hard for the past couple of years to slowly heal up the chip on my shoulder from my previous job-the one where my boss would whittle away at my self worth. Or perhaps it's because when I look at myself in the mirror, the reflection blurs itself-sometimes I see a beautiful girl, and sometimes I see someone whose plainness just subsumes her. And that ambiguity makes me turn to my job and my motherhood as things to be "good at," for I'm not "good at" looking any sort of striking.

But this is not good, and it causes me some amount of unnecessary stress. So tommorrow will be capped with a new resolution: tomorrow, save for a couple of phone calls, I'll spend the morning relaxing with Q, and then roll into work at 1 and wipe the slate semi-clean. And then on Tuesday, repeat. I won't let my job (regardless of how good it is) own me, at least not these next couple of days.

Supa dupa

Ok, so Supernatural.

I really like the show. The two main leads (Jensen Ackles = teh hotness that reduces me to schoolgirl tummyflies), the plot line, basically everything.

Almost everything.

Well, except the fact that I get the heebie jeebies so easily. I don't like horror flicks, I don't like ghouls. Ghosts are interesting, but sort of unsettling to me. So a show that features supernatural plot lines that are based in actual legend or folklore makes me go to bed feeling a little unsettled. Not really looking forward to the whole nailed-to-the-ceiling flashbacks, but I'll just hide my eyes whenever that stuff shows up.

The show site is cool. Too bad I can't get past the secret trunk compartment.

In Dem Jeans

Nobody told me that Old Navy Stretch Cords were ass pants. Don't get me wrong, they're really cute. But I'm not making the mistake of trying to juggle watching 2 kids (The Gov and his friend that we were helping to watch) and finding a cold weather pants solution that I could wear equally to work and on weekends ever again. Ix-nay on the office part of the solution. I did buy them one size too big and promptly hemmed them up. I figure when I don't have client meetings and it gets cold, they'll be good Friday pants.

And yeah, my ass does look kinda a nice in them.

You May Find Yourself Behind The Wheel of a Large Automobile

That's two seasons on the The Apprentice where the "men's" team assumed they would win the ad-campaign-promoting-the-sports-car challenge...but failed miserably. It irks me that men assume they have the capacity to know more about cars just because they are men. It's just like football to me-cars are a vehicle for male bonding, and men have the tendency to learn more about cars because they sit around talking about horsepower. But just because you are male doesn't give you the right to be elitist about the capacity to actually know more about cars. I've found this attitude to be one that persist, and it pisses me off.

I used to moderate a car forum, and when I'd say stuff, it took a long time for the men there to give me some credibility. It often took other members chiding a newbie by saying "[insert my user name here] knows more than 90% you guys, so shut it."

The partners at my law firm would talk raw horsepower, but when I chided in to factor in weight-to-power ratios, they'd go on talking. These days, I bore my clients half to death when I tell them how excited I am about my brake pad and springs install that's hopefully going to take place soon. Believe me, I'm not as knowledgeable as some, and I "married into" the car enthusiast realm, but I know some of my shit. But still, I get the same treatment if I jump in when men around me are talking cars. So why is it that men are still so uncomfortable about women knowing something about cars? The only answer I can come up with is the simplest one: Ego.