equilibrium-girl.com

Beginning of Autumn

You never conceptualize apples being washed as something so utterly fascinating, but between the shiny skins and the contrast of red and green, some people can watch for a long time.

Ugh

I think the internet should know that I'm huddling away in the office, sulking right now over two things:

a. Conan bought an entire pack of Twizzlers and ate the entire things, except 3 sticks that I managed to steal away at 9:37 last night while he was watching some random movie.

b. I am never allowed to watch anything I want on our new 50 inch TV whenever he is home because he is always watching it. Yeah, sure I cooked dinner, bathed The Governor, drilled him on his spelling test, played Go Fish with him and put him to bed. But does that entitle me to let me even wash 1/2 an hour on the choice TV. NOOOOOOOOO. Because Conan came and plopped himself in front of the TV when he got home, and I happened to be occupied with my motherly administrations.

If I were a guy, and the two of us were at a bar and the TV were a hot chick, that would be the biggest constant cockblock ever. But he's supposed to be my wingman, you know? Totally uncool.

Threads Too Chill

If I was in law school again, I would totally rock this Glarkware to my next final exam. I think you could mess up your peers' mindset enough to put yourself further along the grading Bell Curve.

Alas, but I have my J.D., and I'm not in the medical malpractice practice, so I wouldn't be able to rock the shirt with the full force that it deserves.

He Needs to Learn To Stay Away from Being Devoured by Large Inflatables

Playing House

I had some weird blog glitch last night that I don't have the energy to explain. It's like when I send out an email and use the word "compliant" instead of "compliance." You send it out there, the internet takes it, and not only doesn't let you get it back, but plasters it all over the place.

I prefer Saturday mornings when I have been able to get a decent amount of sleep. This morning does not rank up their in my favorites list, particularly since I'm a single mom until Monday and The Gov exhibited signs of extreme crankiness at IHOP this morning. I know what the people next to me were thinking when The Gov asked if he could watch TV today, and I said "no" and he let out an extended whimper. An arthritic Midwestern couple now thinks I'm one of those moms who lets TV babysit her child.

I should probably try to care less about complete strangers' half-formed opinions of me. I'd like to think that I'm a decent mom, but even if I am, I'm a mom with a string of doubts trailing behind her that tangles itself around her feet when she's trying to get things done. Part of it is due to being away from The Gov for most of the day, and part of it is due to always feeling as if I'm a little girl who is playing make believe with her dollhouse, puppy dog, and plastic baby-and-husband playset. It often feels a bit more surreal than real.

I originally captioned this pic "Practicing the Kate Moss Technique," but then I though that wasn't right, because she kicks people, no?

She lacks a certain..je ne sais quo

I have been encouraged to write directly and succinctly as possible when I write as a part of my profession. I can't say that I always accomplish this goal, but having to write in this fashion has made me incapable of double entendres, subtlety, and veiled intimations. So when I want to write about something and make it absolutely non-obvious, I struggle a bit. I'm caught between wanting to blog about things that affect me personally and not wanting to reveal exactly who I am. Sure, pictures of family and general posts about life are fine, but there's more to me than just that. I have a job that gives me purpose and pain. I have secret inappropriate crushes on men besides Conan. I have people in my life that I love. I have people in my life that I hate. I have pictures of myself--not many because I'm behind the camera these days--that I wouldn't mind posting.

I want to write about these things because they are a part of my life. I want to talk here about the people and things that constitute the fabric of my day because it's a great, worn, comfortable quilt. But I can't because I need to remain anonymous. Sure, I can password protect, but what fun is that? Everyone strives to write poignant, inspiring posts so that perhaps someday someone will stumble across their blogs and be inspired, elated, or humoured. Is that fair? What's the key?

And why is there only one Chick-fil-a in the entire Kansas City area?

Sin of Sins

I am about to storm into the family room and castigate my husband for not sharing with me that we had received the latest P0ttery B@rn catalog. To me, that's as close as you can get to infidelity. I'm in the process of determining which which circle to which he should be relegated. Maybe he belongs with the "Wrathful and Gloomy."

After all, he's been in a bit of a bad mood lately.

Huh.

We might be the trailer trash of the neighborhood.

My car just ended up in the lawn across the street.

Conan always told me to park my car in gear, because in the event that the parking brake either fails or is not fully engaged, the gear will "catch" the car. However, I feel so unbalanced if I don't shift to neutral, simply because the gear isn't in the middle.

I will learn to park in gear going forward.

Just a little request for help

A member of one of the online communities to which I belong recently found out that her 4 year old daughter has aplastic anemia, which is a rare bone marrow condition. Anything people can do to help would be appreciated. Please see this site for more information.

Floating on the Groggy Surface

"I thought we were done with this whole insomnia bit," I asked myself silently as I looked at my reflection this morning when I shoved my hair into an unruly bun. "I thought you gave that up in law school." There have been a handful of times in the past seven years where I couldn't get to sleep one night, but sheer exhaustion submerged me under the next night. Those infrequent episodes are pretty scarce these days. Seven years ago, however, was a different story. I'd gone to the hospital right before finals in my third year of law school because I could not drive due to a stress headache on top of a migraine. After that time, I was always very careful to watch my stress level, exercise frequently, and try and achieve some sense of balance. I've even built up a healthy defense mechanism that generally shuts down my stress level when it reaches a certain point.

Over the past few days, however, things have gone slightly awry. It's the combination of next week becoming extremely stressful, the in-laws coming into town on Thursday for five days, and just trying to keep a lid on the sheer amount of clutter in my house. Everyone tells me that my in-laws are just going to have to accept that our house is not immaculate since we have been her for less than a month and a half. But you see, my mother in law has unreasonable expectations in general, and while she'll put on an accepting face, she will privately make a snide remark here and there followed up with a passive aggressive action. Sounds like the mother-in-law M.O., n'est pas? What I am scared of is that the lack of a dining room table in my house will result in her sending either money or some sort of--I don't know, something random. She's the queen of random unnecessary objects and while I've tried my best to talk to her about it, she simply won't listen.

With the exception of my husband, my mother-in-law has never had to let her children live their own lives. Surprisingly, Conan is the youngest of three. I have very serious issues with the choices that she has made and I don't respect her for them. I have learned to accept that she and I will never be close, and I am currently in the process of accepting that for certain things she is too goddamn stubborn to even consider another's opinion. When she comes to my house--my territory--it changes my emotional landscape temporarily because in the flow of my daily life, I need to temporarily navigate around a huge impasse. I medicate myself with wine and withdrawl during those days when she is around.

So her looming arrival in conjunction with my impossibly difficult work week has been keeping me up. Wish me sleep vibes tonight-I'll need them.

Family Crush Roundup

Crush roundup:

Conan's crush: Alison Kelly from PR. Described as "smokin' hot." We all love her.

The Governor's crush: the girls in Danity Kane. He was completely entranced with the "Show Stopper" video, and when we listen to the CD, he wants to know if we're listening to the song where "they're standing in the street." I caught his head nodding in the rear view mirror on that track.

My crush: None other than Justin. Just because.